‘The big six’: A comprehensive review of Britain’s best beers

We’re used to hearing a lot about the Premier League’s ‘big six’ and it sometimes feels like they’re the only teams in the world that exist, but we’ve been thinking: ‘what if we took this concept and applied it to other areas of life, as in the best parts of life and the only other thing that really matters aside from football - like beer’.

In a 2018 article from pub trade and business website, the Morning Advertiser, a list of the most popular lagers in Britain was published. Amos Murphy has taken the admirable step of taste test them all, giving you a comprehensive review of Britain’s six biggest beers. Enjoy (because he definitely did)!

6. Coors Light

Country of origin: USA

Pint price: £2.79*

Overall rating: 6/10

Everything about this unoffensive, light bodied larger screams America: it’s vain and egotistical marketing campaigns, the tacky in your face branding and its boring taste of mediocrity. Coors light would probably call their children ‘Chad Fraser Flame’ or something silly like that, and even though it isn’t bad and you’d probably pick it over a warm can of Tesco’s 99p everyday value lager, but there’s a reason the Yanks don’t have a history in beer making and unfortunately, Coors Light cements this opinion. They’ll also always be remembered for sponsoring some pretty shabby Chelsea kits in the mid-1990s - Coors are the embodiment of the failed ‘American dream’.

5. Stella Artois

Country of origin: Belgium

Pint price: £3.49*

Overall rating: 7.5/10

Voguish, crisp, bold, likeable and even good enough to be Wayne Rooney’s phone password; if this Belgian beauty was a person, he’d probably strut in smoking a Cuban cigar, carrying a leather jacket over his shoulder and sporting a man bun, which actually looked alright and not like a failed semi-professional footballer. I mean, you drink it out of a chalice, how cool is that? It’s quality on draught, but it’s also one of the few beers that hold up well in cans, making it perfect for awaydays.

4. Peroni Nastra Azzurro

Country of origin: Italy

Pint price: £4.00**

Overall rating: 8/10

If Stella would walk in looking like a Sons of Anarchy understudy, Peroni would be donning a slim cut, tailor-made Giorgio Armani three-piece. Whilst light in taste, this dapper Italian beverage isn’t a beer that has a distinctive taste, but sometimes simplicity is key . Perfect for those long summer nights and it won’t leave you feeling too bloated. Bellissimo!

3. Carlsberg

Country of origin: Denmark

Pint price: £2.55*

Overall rating: 7/10

‘If Carlsberg did football teams’ and all that stuff: the King of Danish beers is world renowned for having (probably) the best marketing campaign in the world. Clean tasting and easy to drink, it’s not a surprise Carlsberg is this high up the list – it’s a beer the whole family can enjoy! They sponsored Liverpool for ages too and seeing their kits from that time just brings back memories of all four English clubs in the Champions League semi-finals. Proper vibes.

2. Fosters

Country of origin: Australia

Pint price: £2.95*

Overall rating: 6/10

Originally from down under and now being brewed in the UK, Fosters is that long lost uncle you’re told is really cool and fun but turns out to be quite disappointingly boring. It’s difficult to say exactly what Fosters tastes like when there’s not really any taste at all, just 568ml of nothingness. Apparently, they sponsored Norwich once too, who’d have thought it? One big fat meh.

1. Carling

Country of origin: UK

Pint price: £2.95*

Overall rating: 5/10

Number one on the list of most popular beers in the UK is one that most definitely will split opinions straight down the middle. I’m not a fan, personally – a beer that tastes like it’s been influenced by a sticky nightclub toilet floor, but it’s British and stick a Union Jack on most things and they’ll sell well. But there was that time in history when both Glasgow Rangers’ and Celtic’s kits were sponsored by this British beer – my Scottish grandad, who was also an avid Rangers fan, bought me both of those shirts. That was a bit strange.